Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Thanks for the memory


While I never really followed the career of Dom Deluise, I do have a fond memory of him because his chubby face was engraved in my brain during a wretched experience.

When I was twenty I had my tonsils taken out. Now if you think it’s a rotten procedure for a kid to go through, try having the surgery as an adult. Yowza. That whole play-up about eating all the ice cream you want is a bonafide myth. The thick stuff just would not go down my swollen, raw throat.

Where Dom comes in is that my doctor looked just like him.

The morning of my operation a nice nurse gave me one of those “twilight” shots. No, nothing to do with teen vampires, but rather a sweet drug that put me into a lovely, mellow state of mind.

Then I was loaded onto a gurney and rolled down many long hallways toward the operating room. Lying on your back, staring up at the ceiling lights is a most interesting sensation when you’re loopy on drugs. I remember saying a couple of things to the nurses that brought shocked looks and a stern “Shhhh.”

In the O.R. with a strange bustling going on, Dr. Dom leaned over me and smiled that silly Dom smile. Like watching a bad Ed Wood film on acid, his large floating head was both a horror and a giggle at the same time.

Dr Dom: “Say good night”

Pyzahn: “But I’m not sleepy.”

Dr. Dom: “Say good night..and then count backward from ten.”

Pyzahn: “Okay, but I’m not sleepy. Ten, ni…..z-z-z-z.”

Next thing I know I was in a semi-conscious state, with a fiery throat and thinking, “Ah, they won’t do the surgery if I’m sick.” My eyes opened. I was back in the hospital room and my Mom was looking worriedly at me.

After a few minutes of disorientation, I croaked out: “I gotta pee.” Still pumped from the drugs and before my Mom could stop me, I jumped out of bed. I made it a few steps before I collapsed against the wall and slid to the floor as Mom struggled to keep me upright.

You know, when you faint, you really do see stars. Just like in the cartoons. I went down in a wondrous celestial blaze.

It was a protracted recovery, more miserable than the strep throats that often plagued me. I had nightmares that included projectile vomiting. I was pitiful and felt sorry for myself.

If it hadn’t been for Dom Deluise and the vision of his large head looming over me, this sad tale would have no humor element whatsoever.

19 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Wow, thanks for bringing us all down with that story. ;0)

lakeviewer said...

That's a good one! Look how the whole scene returned to you because one small association. We do influence each other all the time, don't we?

Marvin D. Wilson said...

Sheesh - glad I had mine out when I was little. Too bad about the yucky thought association with the Domster - he was a cool and funny actor. :(

Rudee said...

I loved Dom. He was incredibly funny and talented. As for the rest of your story, I was 16 and wholeheartedly agree that the older you are, the worse it really can be. It sucked.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Awww!!

My friend had hers out at 17 or something and said it was the worst experience of her life so I believe you! I've been plagued by tonsilitis my whole life so I probably SHOULD have had mine out as a child - once I hit puberty no one would do it.

It's funny, I've had three surgeries in my life and not once do I remember the "count down from ten" thing although each time I've been told about how I defiantly made it to seven before succumbing to it. I have NO recollection. At least you remember stuff! :)

It is sort of freaky how you wake up hours later and think two minutes have passed, however.

Yay for Dom lookalike. And RIP to the real one.

Bruce said...

"Dr. Dom leaned over me and smiled that silly Dom smile. Like watching a bad Ed Wood film on acid, his large floating head was both a horror and a giggle at the same time."....probably the best blog line I have read so far today....

drollgirl said...

hot DAMN you are a great writer! i love this story!

and next time they threaten to take my tonsils out i'll tell 'em to SHOVE IT.

ds said...

I liked Dom Deluise; not sure how I would feel if he or his lookalike were my doctor. "Seeing an Ed Wood film on acid" Classic!
Oh, and I do still have my tonsils--after this, I'm keeping 'em!

Frank said...

My tonsils are now over 60 years old. If they don't bother me I won't bother them. Glad I missed your experience. The thought of lots of ice cream did strongly appeal to me when I was ten and many of my friends were having their tonsils out. After reading your very descriptive story, I feel lucky my dad did not agree to the prophylactic tonsillectomy that was popular in the Fifties.

Kathleen said...

Patricia, this is phenomenal. Truly inspired. Definitely the best piece I've ready today. Kudos. What's more--I think it's a most apropos tribute to Dom. You are so NOT dismally average, my dear. If I had I wish I knew how make graphics, so I could create the Perfect Prattle Award in your honor!

Cormac Brown said...

Wow, Dom, instead of say, Burt Reynolds or Anson Williams?

Maggie May said...

I thought it was bad enough when I had mine out at twelve years old and I was put on an adult ward.
That searing pain was really awful and the sticky warm ice cream did nothing to help the it.
Thanks for the memory........ as the song goes .....
and thanks for visiting me!

Lover of Life said...

I was only eight when I had mine out, and I can still remember thinking how I had been deceived with the whole ice cream thing. You really don't want anything going down that fire hole!

david mcmahon said...

Brought back some vivid memories.

david mcmahon said...

Forgot to say - this reminds me of the old song, ``There Is Nothing Like A Dom''!!!

distracted by shiny objects said...

If it's any consolation---I had my tonsils out when I was 3yrs old, in the days when the anesthesia used was ether. My big brother told me it was poison gas and not to breathe it, it truly makes you sick as a damn dog afterwards, and the ice cream they gave me had actually gone off/soured and no one would believe me. And, in those days, you stayed in the hospital for three days at least. I feel your pain here, Pyzahn:>)

Kathleen said...

Congratulations on being a top contendor for authorblog's Post of the Day. Well done! Well deserved!
Cheers!

Pyzahn said...

What? Top contender? I didn't know. Gotta go check that out.

Lola said...

Congratulations on POTD top contender! Brava, Patrizia Pazzerella Plaoosa.

I had my tonsils out at 25 and I second everything you said.
I don't know if it was the drugs, or what but despite the volcanic throat, I craved pizza nonetheless.
Ciao